Wanted: nothing and nobody

“Somedays I feel everything and somedays I feel nothing at all, I can’t tell you what is worse”

This weekend I have had times where I am so overcome with anxiety and grief I curl up into a ball and cry not being able to move. I must hold myself together, no one around me knows what I’m going through. I can never tell, taking a life is the most unforgivable thing you can do. I live in in limbo always; wanting to tell everyone around what I have done so if I go then they will understand and my sin can be forgiven and wanting to run away and be alone forever. Either way I’m lonely, I’m on my own, no ones knows my pain. I must sheild my face with a mask at all times. 

Look into my eyes and what do you see? I broken girl staring back at me. Does it matter? The voices in my head already tell me in dead. 

I keep pushing and pushing away. I don’t even want to be around myself so how can I expect others to be around me.

It is my sin, therefore it is my punishment to live in darkness, continue to live in darkness until I can no longer stand it. 

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