You made me do it alone……

You made me so it alone

I carry the pain and punishment for the both of us

Whoever wrote this post secret postcard

You are not alone



It would almost be your birthday

It would almost of been your second birthday and I sit here and reflect on the last two and a half years.

What would life be like?

I’m so happy with my life but there is still a part of me is sad and there is still a small part of my heart is broken.

But know that I love you, know that I think of you everyday, know that I wanted you, know that you are forever a part of me.

I know that you are the wind in my hair, the birds that I hear, butterflies that I see, the soft grass that I touch and the warmth that pops into my heart every now and then. I know that you are near, I know that you are here.

I shared this photo with your dad xx

Know that I try to include him, know that I think of him with kindness. Just because he doesn’t reply doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.

I never hated you like I do right now…… I’ve never needed you like I do right now

I never needed you like I do right nowI never needed you like I do right now

I never hated you like I do right now

‘Cause all you ever do is make me

Couldn’t hear the thunder, but I heard your heart race

Couldn’t see the rain, we’re too busy makin’ hurricanes

Love ain’t easy when it ain’t my way

I stumbled across this song on YouTube and it would have been my anthem a year and a half ago. 

I hated you so much for taking my baby away……. But I never needed you so much as I did then. 

But all you did was make me cry 

I couldn’t see what you were doing to me, I couldn’t see the hurricanes and rain you were putting on my soul….. If only I could go back 

But this song no longer speaks to me…. I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need you, who lived through the hurricane of you, who will stand up for women like me who are collateral damage to others lives. 

Thanks for the bricks..

I’ve used them to strengthen my marriage 

I’ve used them to strengthen my soul 

I’ve used them to build a wall to protect me from you

I’ve used them to protect my love and memory of my baby 

I’ll hold on to a few in case I need to throw them back at you one day…..